Why Life goes on … just like that!

Assalam-o-alaykum w.w!

I think I should change the title of my blog from Reflections of my soul to Reflections of my gloomy soul … I guess I’m posting some real gloomy posts for so long … but actually on and off these days I’m feeling bit gloomy. Specially since I’ve came back from Lahore, after attending quite a family get together sort of wedding, the emptiness of my house stings me even more.

These last 5 days I’ve missed faree and ami so much that I don’t think so I’ve missed faree this much in the whole year. May Allah bless her with happy and health life, always. Me and faree for the past 21 years minus this whole year haven’t stayed apart for more than 6-8 days and now that ami also went away … I don’t know I really become very very frustrated at times … just want to shout on the top of my voice that ami please come back, I miss you and I love you.

دل بھی سُونا
سانسیں رک سی گئیں
تیرے جانے کے بعد

یہ میری زندگی
کیا ہوئی بن تیرے
کیا ہوا یہ جہاں
کیوں جیوں بن تیرے
کیوں جیوں بن تیرے

میری زندگی، تیری یادیں
اک ہنگامہ تیری باتیں
تیرے ہونے کا احساس
دیوانگی تیرے جانے کے بعد

Months back, I guess, Mr. GQ wrote not exactly but near to this that whenever he go to asma’s grave he just don’t feel very good, thinking if she’d been alive (pardon if I’ve taken you wrong … read this post of yours months back). When I read this, I was thinking now whenever I go by ami’s place, the first thing that I usually wish is that if I’d have been alone I’d have said many things to ami. Even now I try to reach by her grave bit faster than abu and after salaam I talk lot many things to her how’s her grand children doing, how’s saayi, bhai, faree … all that’s happening in the family. I feel like ami is there to share my every day mutterings.

I was in a habit … was because only ami used to listen … of reading every other joke or ven excerpts from books or digests aloud to ami … while she’d be in kitchen, dining watching TV wherever. And in evenings, I would just talk abt this or that, if I’ll miss some portion of drama only ami would tell me what happened, if I wont go on some wedding or function, ami would tell who was there, what happened and all and blah blah. I really feel like getting lonely all of a sudden now.

Please forgive me – I know not what I do Please forgive me – I can’t stop lovin’ you Don’t deny me – this pain I’m going through Please forgive me – if I need ya like I do Please believe me – every word I say is true Please forgive me – I can’t stop lovin’ you
Can’t stop lovin’ you

At 10 pm asma’s message came and I was thinking 2 hrs before … it said

سنہری دھوپ برسات کے بعد
تھوڑی سی ہنسی ہر بات کے بعد
اسی طرح مبارک ہو آپکو ١٥، ١٦ کے بعد
Wish you a Happy
birthday 2 hours kay baad !

And a smile came.

Then by 11:30, mahgoo sent a mssg sayng her wishes saying I’m feeling sleepy so blah blah blah … ^_^

Then at exactly 12 am mobile rang, asma again talked for few minutes, when she ended her call again mobile rand, sobs this time we had a chat for minutes, then uz gave a message saying

Friendship is like a tree, it’s not measured by how tall it is but hw deep the
roots have really grown – happy birthday to ya!

Then uz called and was wishing in her “golden” words as may you get such life and blah blah … I was like ایک آدھ سال بھی بڑا ہے
She said اتنے عرصے سے ہمیں اسی بات پہ ٹرخا رہی ہو ۔۔۔
I said then do pray … she said اچھا بس کرو

Then a very dear class fellow sent an e-card saying

Many many happy returns of the day!!!kia haal hein ??? “^&*%*”
koi “naaee khabar” hi suna do !!!CR karay to shaid baqi bachon per bhi
asar per jaaiy anyways ‘ve fun!! take gud care Allah hafiz

And I’m really happy to get this message

Saayi sent a very beautiful card 3 days back saying

With Love to my sister
A love wish for happiness
Today and always, too –
May your birthday and the Year ahead
Be wonderful for you!

So that concludes the post … today is the 22nd birthday of mine …!

No wishes for long life I need … wishes for beautiful, content and happy future is all what I need … Rest Allah know my wishes more than myself …!

Wassalam

Ending with some random and favorite pieces …

بیتی ہوئی اِن یادوں میں
پیاری پیاری اِن باتوں میں
ڈھونڈوں تجھے ہر طرف
ڈھونڈوں تجھے اپنے خوابوں میں
یادوں میں تُووووو
یادوں میں تُووووووووو

____

کتنا حسیں تھا اپنا سفر
سارے جہاں کی خوشیاں تھیں ساتھ
بچھڑ گئے ہم دُکھ کی ہے بات
میری زندگی – میرے ساتھ نہیں
چلے ۔۔۔ چلے تھے ساتھ ساتھ
رُکے ۔۔۔ رُکے تھے ساتھ ساتھ

____

That’s how I feel today!