Inner Desolation!
Assalam o alaykum w.w!
The day started brightly, though but can mothers be easily forgotten? Today, on cooking me and abu decided to make up some fish curry with boiled rice, the most favorite way of cooking the fish and this likeliness is shared by me and my mother n the family. Rest of the family though eats it but they prefer fried fish. We decided it when I was going to the university…. and I remembered how ami liked it and I couldn’t even say this, tears were ready which I had to stop. Not in front of Abu at least.
From the day first ami went, me, my sisters and brother, we didn’t shed a single tear in front of Abu , and I really don’t know from where the peace at heart came, that we were only thanking Allah for not putting my mother, the most beloved to me, in much distress. That was the game of seconds that she passed and passed so peacefully. I had my midterm that evening and the coordinator came and said Ur father’s here, and I knew it! She said she would be praying for me and she was not there anymore. Priorly it was like we were always thinking what’s her temperature now, is it normal, what’s she eating, how’s she, everything so busy and now everything as finished. Being the youngest and being the most pampered one, I know that she loved me a lot. Now to whom I would be saying all my uni events and all my things. To whom I would be going for all those prayers and love.
Ami & Abu had to spend, from Feb. till late in April, most of the days in Lahore like sometimes they had to stay there for 3 weeks. After chemotherapies, ami was becoming so weak, her weight was decreasing… tumor was spreading … I was very distressed those days … just praying and praying … without ami Abu just me and faree it was like hell. At times I would just stop myself whenever I would talk to ami at phone… she would be worried there what we r eating, what we r doing …Ami I missed u so much in those days! Then 2 holidays of Ashura came with Sunday maybe , so I went to Lahore … and when ami saw me she started crying … for the first time I saw her crying like that … my Chech (father’s bro) said she would always say that “Mujahy asma bohat yaad ati hay”(I remember asma very much!) .
We were waiting for my sis’ son so much and he was born right after 14 days of ami’s death. I’m missing her too much … Ppl have there parents even when they themselves r 50-60 yrs old … then why me, I’m just 20… Why did I saw her just for 20 yrs in my life?? We don’t say any distressed thing in front of Abu, or even we have never cried in these 4 months in front of Abu, My mother and father they were an ideal couple, and I, no doubt, say that they’ve teached us everything related to Islam n worldly things in an ideal manner. Namaaz is not just namaaz, we were asked daily and monitored daily until we became punctual. And same is for everything .. What’s been taught to us is that yeah correct worldly education is very important but still Islam should always come first when there’s a choice between Materialism and Deen(Deen ko duniya pay muqadam rakhna hay!)…..
Ami, I LOVE U A LOT , more than anything, I was once a part of ur system, I’m a part of u , U r there in every moment of my life .. and I’m missing u!
May her soul rest in Heavenly peace! And may we be united soon … I can’t wait!
